[Violet De Camp]

I've never felt so completely lost in my short, 100 year-old life.

I had never seen the world outside Nualla'n before just a few short months ago, though I had read bout it and studied it extensively. "You must be prepared for what you are about to experience, dear, lest the outside world take you by surprise." My father used to tell me this when I would complain about the long hours I was forced to study every day.

I don't think any amount of studying could have made it so I was "prepared" for what I experienced in Hadrian. I think, in fact, that everything I had studied turned out to be totally opposite of what I had experienced.

Take my studies of Orcs and Orckind, for example. I have always been told that anyone with orc blood in their veins is a savage, beyond reason, and almost assuredly ugly to their very core. Yet, the first person I met on my journey was Sir Snacks, who turned out to be the most trustworthy and kindhearted person, except for maybe Neelie. Looking back on him, I can remember a few times when he offered to help me, and I refused him out of sheer fear and distrust.

There is no way that the culture and lifestyle around Hadrian could ever be captured accurately in a piece of writing. There are too many people, who want too many things at the expense of others. I used to think that it was something that could be fixed... Surely, if it was explained to them that doing good was best for everyone, then they would do good, much like we Elves. But that does not seem to be the case... Instead, most only care about what they want.

I remember the first time I witnessed true betrayal. It was in the lair of the Giants, where I, among a few others, had met a terrible fate... I felt myself float in darkness for a while, though someone appeared to me... They asked me if I would return to life in exchange for betraying my friends. I had learned of such evils beforehand, and so I rightfully refused their offer! "Surely, nobody else would take this madman's barter..." I thought to myself.

But every... single... person did. The madman gave me the "pleasure" of watching as I lay comatose. I got to see all the so called "friends" and "allies" turn on their would-be rescuers and attempt to murder them in cold blood.

I used to think that day changed me... But thinking back on it, it did not do so as much as I would have thought. I have often been told that I am too trusting of the short-lived races, and that it would some day lead to my ruin. I used to think those ideas were spouted in ignorance. But, as it turns out, I may be the ignorant one. Time and time again, they betrayed each other. All save for those of the Knights of the lady, and a few others such as Rassali and Aquaria proved themselves trustworthy beyond doubt.

It's fractions like this, greed like this, that nearly wiped out our race centuries ago. To see history repeat itself is aggravating to watch, for no matter how hard I try to reason, they don't seem to take the hint and cooperate.

Good friends have already met their end. Noldar, Cerise, Snacks... All lie dead as we try to fight an evil that is being helped by the very people we wish to aid us in this fight. They are blind to not realize that this enemy will betray them too.

Perhaps the others were right... I'm too young, too inexperienced to do this, despite my gifts. I've tried so hard, yet continued to fail time and time again when my allies needed me most. I lost Snacks, I lost a chance to deal a devastating blow to the Cult, and I may have very well lost Trent as well...

Perhaps I should just give up trying to help them. Maybe they really are beyond saving... Though I can't help but think that Snacks wouldn't be happy if I  just gave up... I just... don't know what to do.