[Violet De Camp]

** This entry is dated a few weeks past IRL. It is scribbled in anger and is not as coherent as her other entries **

Spoiler

Here I sit with a heavy heart under the blossom tree of the Nualla'n Falls. I seem to have been cursed with a blessing of having too many paths to choose from. I wonder if I would still feel so downtrodden if I was in the opposite scenario...

It wouldn't be so bad if the path was mine to choose. Yet it seems that every time I make an attempt to walk down one, I get berated, ridiculed, and coerced back to the beginning of my journey to start all over again.

"Be strong." They said. "Be a force for good. Stand up to the dark. Don't give way, don't falter. Fight for your allies and your kin."

And so I did, for a time. I mustered up my courage, took the divine blade in my hands and set forth to lead my allies into battle against the many enemies that surround us. And what did they say for my efforts? "Cele's bloodthirsty. Cele will likely turn on the humans next. She's gone rabid."

"Be smart." They said. "Learn what you can, when you can, and use that knowledge to take back what evil has stolen from us."

And so once again, I did. I have purified two relics now, and have used them both to protect myself and my allies. And what did they say for my efforts? "Cele's gone mad! She has succumbed to the corruption of the relics and is now influenced by them! We must strike her, quickly! Before she grows stronger and more corrupt."

"Be kind." They said. "We miss the old you, the one who only resorted to violence as a final option. You should go back to the way you were."

And so I did. And what happened then? A troll that I spared went to the nearest human village it could find and slaughtered all of its inhabitants. Every. Single. One of them. Had that been the old me of a few months ago, I would have surely vomited. But I know longer feel such inclinations as I view the carnage left behind by monsters of evil.

Even after one of the greatest undertakings I've ever led, the Siege of Sauros, I was ridiculed as we prevented the Aspect of Suramaya from entering this world. "Cele is just a monster fighting smaller monsters." "Cele is the Queen of Snakes."

All I feel is a burning desire to make them pay for what they've done, and what they plan to do. If I'm going to be berated and antagonized by those outside of Tel-Quessir for any choice I make, then so be it. I will choose my own path. There are few voices I trust now... Nica, Rassali, the Priestess... But even then, they don't know me well enough to always steer me in the path I need to walk.

The only voice that understands is the voice that has grown louder and louder as I continue to grow. It was there for me when the giants struck me down... It was there for me as I held the Blade of Holding in my hands... and It was there for me in my moment of victory at the Siege of Sauros. I know not what this voice is, but I believe I can trust it going forward...

And it's advice...

*the journal stops abruptly*